My Stupid Mission: FAIL!
by Polyonymous Smith
Summary: "A Deviant of Society" that's what they call me. I don't really have a problem with that title. I would actually do anything just to keep it, even if it means I would have to pretend to be an S-ranked criminal and become a member of a notorious organization... I just didn't know that by accepting that mission would change my life forever.
1. Mission

"Seikatsu," I heard my elder brother say. "Isn't it time for you to become a jounin?"

I breathed a sigh as I rolled my eyes. We always had talks like this. He never get tired of persuading me to take that senseless jounin exam. Apparently I don't plan to. Never will. "Kikazu-niisan," I started. "Aren't you exhausted of repeating that question _every_ second of the day?"

"Now that's just exaggerating." My brother stated, laughing it off. "We all know that it's necessary for me to remind you to take that exam. Wouldn't make our parents proud from above if you keep that stubborn attitude of yours."

"Nii-san, how many times do I have to tell you I don't want to become a jounin? It's too cliché y'know?" I walked towards the fridge and took out a strawberry milk carton, removed the cap and drank from it. Not bothering to pour it on a glass.

Apparently my brother noticed this and stole the carton from my hand. "Since when did you base your future to what's cliché and what's not?!"

"That's not what I meant. I just don't like jounins. I don't like what they do. I might become a teacher all the way. And you know well that I'm not good with kids." I faced him, folding my arms.

He brushed his bangs away from his eyes as he slouched. "Seikatsu, you're already 18! For fucking sake, can't act your age for once?! I've respected your decisions ever since, but you've gone too far now. Know your responsibilities!"

"You don't have to shout, if you think shouting will get what you want, well no, you're wrong. I know my responsibilities and I know what I must be doing with my life." I said, exasperated. "I don't want my future to be like… like the other ninjas out there. Letting their lives be controlled by the way our world works… I want to live by my own rules. By my own aesthetics."

"Y'know what? Do what you want. I'm tired of doing this. I just hope you won't regret your decision in the latter." Kikazu-niisan left the kitchen and teleported to somewhere who knows.

He forces me to become a jounin since it would be a huge embarrassment to our clan if I wouldn't. Fe, who cares about what our elders would say? I have my own fucking life, they don't have the right to tell me what shit I should be doing.

Yeah, that's what I believe. Hijoshikina, Seikatsu is not your usual heroine, but nevertheless, I'm still one hell of an awesome kunoichi~!

**XXXX:**

"You must be wondering why Tsunade-sama called you huh Sei-chan?" my brother said, now using my nickname. It's as if we didn't argue a while ago.

"Yeah, why'd you call 'baa-chan?" I stood there, waiting for her to say something. _What the heck is their problem anyway?! I want to go back home and lie down! _

"I've heard from your brother that you don't want to become a jounin…" She let her sentence trail off. "Fine then, I'm giving you an option."

"Sounds weird, what is it?" I asked, sounding sarcastically curious.

"I'm simply giving you an S-ranked mission." She deviously grinned. _What? What does that supposed to mean? Since our kekkei genkai allows us to read someone's mind, should I read her mind and find out her hidden agenda? _

"No." My brother sternly said, his eyes changing into a bluish hue. He must've read my thoughts. I shrugged and let Tsunade'baa-chan explain what the mission was all about.

"The Hijoshikina clan is well known for their ability to read minds yes?" she started.

"Yeah, but there's a disadvantage to it. We can't read some stranger's thoughts if you think we're able to do that." I said, not minding if I interrupted the hokage.

"Oy, kuso'onna! You don't interrupt me! Anywho, I just want you to infiltrate the akatsuki's hideout."

I blinked a few times as her words registered in my brain. _Eh? Infiltrate? Akatsuki? Eeeeh?! _"Like a spy? I'm like going to pretend to be an S-ranked criminal or something? Pretend to like, want to be an akatsuki member? Is that what you're saying?"

She nodded in response.

"Isn't that job for anbus?" I asked as I raised my brow.

"Yes. But since you won't become a jounin this is the other option you must choose."

"'Baa-chan you're such a sly." I grinned. "Alright, it's like I have a choice—"

"Oh but you have." She interrupted. "Become a jounin or accept this dangerous mission. Your choice. I'm giving you a generous offer here."

Oh, so this is their hidden agenda. They're using reverse psychology. I knew she wouldn't allow me to remain as a chuunin forever. But I won't take any chances. "Alright."

"At last, you're finally becoming a jounin!" my brother sighed in relief.

"Who told you I chose the first option? I chose the latter. I'm going to act as a spy for Tsunade-sama. Sounds erratically fun."I said, I can't contain the joy from my voice.

"WHAT?!" they both exclaimed in unison. "YOU CHOSE WHAT?!"

"I choose the S-ranked mission. Is there a problem?" I asked, deadpan.

"A-alright. No go backs Seikatsu. No go backs." Tsunade-sama warned.

"No go backs." I repeated.

My brother and I went home right after. Kikazu-niisan was conspicuously devastated with my decision as he sighed and looked at me wearily.

I was to leave Konohagakure in the morning, so I was forced to sleep early that night. My brother kissed my forehead as he turned off the lights in my room, still not talking to me.

**XXXX:**

I woke up early, prepared my things and took a bath. I wrote a letter for my twin siblings and for Kikazu-niisan and left. Not bothering to wait for them to wake up. I don't want to disturb their slumber.

I was actually panicking when I left our village. Since I forgot to ask Tsunade-sama where I should find an Akatsuki member. I sat under a tree and felt exhausted.

Just when I was about to leave I heard two males approaching. I immediately looked for a place to hide and decided to cover myself with bushes.

"It's not my fault they died, hm." A man stated, sounding rather irritated. "They didn't understand my art, so why would I waste my time and understand their pleas? Shitty bastards."

"Deidara," the other man said, "You are stupid if you believe your lame, pathetic perception is art. Art is eternal beauty and is not transient that departs quickly. Art must be left long into the future."

"Sasori-no danna, I respect you as a fellow artist but your belief is somewhat idiotic, hm." I took a peek and saw this beautiful lady with golden hair speak. Very peculiar to have such a low voice for a pretty kunoichi.

It wasn't long enough when I realized that those two idiots are from Akatsuki. Judging from their black cloaks, that is.

I emerged from the bushes and politely introduced myself. "Sup niggas?" _okay, it may not be that polite to suddenly interrupt someone's conversation with a "sup niggas?" especially if they're criminals… but come on, I'm a Seikatsu and that's simply how I roll. _

"She's a criminal from konohagakure, hm." The pretty lady stated as she examined me. "What should we do with her?"

The other guy that looked exactly like a rotten potato just stared at me.

"My, would you like to know how art feels like?" the pretty lady asked, as she caressed my face.

"Deidara, tie her up. She might be some of help in regarding the nine tails." The rotten potato guy said.

"Ahh, an interrogation, hm. Sounds nice." She tied my hands with a sturdy rope and was about to blindfold me when I suddenly blurted out a stupid question.

"Why's your hand sweaty? It feels as if there's a mouth there." I stated innocently.

She raised her hands to reveal two mouths randomly moving their tongues. I felt a shiver down my spine as I looked away. "I get it. Mouths, hands… perfect combination."

"Just shut up." She said indifferently and finally covered my eyes.

"Uhmm, the pretty lady with golden hair is Deidara right?" I asked, trying to sound calm.

"I'm no fucking 'pretty lady', hm." Deidara annoyingly responded.

"Oh, so you're a guy… NO WAIT WHAT?!" I exclaimed. "You're a guy?! But why are you so pretty?!"

"I shall fix your statement then, I'm no fucking pretty lady I'm just that handsome, hm."

"Okay… sudden realization… Breaking news~ Deidara is not, _sadly _a girl. But a man."

"I'd really make you shut your mouth if you won't stop talking."

"Okay then~ I just want to know If I can become an Akatsuki member~ sheesh."

**A/N: So yeah, I've decided to rewrite "My Stupid Mission: Fail!" since the first one was sloppily written by an idiot named, PS. I do hope you guys enjoy this like the last time~ Zatizzall. **

**JAA NE~ **


	2. Member

"You want to become an Akatsuki member?" Deidara rhetorically asked. "Apparently our boss doesn't just accept any criminals. He chooses S-ranked criminals, hm. He studies their background before officially branding them as part of our organization."

"And a mere little girl like you doesn't have a chance to become one." Sasori added.

I'm not surprised that they're cautious in recruiting members since there's this possibility that someone's actually a spy whose purpose is to infiltrate their hideout. As expected from a notorious organization… although, they did make a wrong move in underestimating a _little girl _like me.

"Heh, smart asses I daresay. True, I'm not a famous rogue ninja. Heck, they don't even know I exist. I'm not even in the bingo book. But I prefer it that way. Since I can do my dirty job without any hindrances." I said smugly. _I guess I should just continue my bluffing. _"If I can't be an Akatsuki member then I can't tell you any information about the nine tails."

They remained silent for a moment, as if reconsidering my request.

"Deidara," Sasori started. I was waiting for the next thing he's going to say but I heard nothing. What are they planning to do? They don't plan to kill me off right? They must've noticed that I was just bluffing! Ugh. Seeing nothing sucks. I can't tell what they're doing.

I stood there for almost a minute without anyone of us speaking. I was starting to get impatient when two hands suddenly carried me and rested my whole body on top of his shoulder. _Probably Sasori… no wait. He doesn't have shoulders, ack, it was Mr. Blondie!_

"O-oy! Where the fucking hell are you taking me?! Oy shit holes, you can't make me your prisoner!" I exclaimed. I've always hated strangers carelessly touching me. Isn't it obvious that I don't like people?

"Shut up. I thought you wanted to become a member? If you can't prevent your shitty mouth from saying senseless crap I'd easily end your life then and there, hm." Deidara stated, obviously irritated.

"At least think about who you're carrying! I feel uncomfortable here bastard. Something is pressing your back right now and that something is currently choking me!" I replied back, trying my best not to shout. _My chest is preventing me from breathing air. If Blondie here doesn't plan to put me down after a few minutes I'd die. _

He stiffened after hearing my complaint and suddenly let go of me making me fall on top of a… a… what is this? Is this clay? I tried to dig my fingernails in the clay-like substance and my speculation was right. It was clay.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"We're going to our boss." Sasori answered. "And until we get there I suggest you shut your mouth. If you still value your life, that is."

"They keep on commanding me to shut my mouth. Fuck. You don't own me." I mumbled to myself. "Fine, fine. I'll shut up. I don't want to converse with a bunch of psychotic bastards anyway."

They didn't respond to my sassy remark which led me to keep quiet in the end. After shit knows hours the clay-like flying thing-a-mabob finally landed. I didn't get down immediately—I waited for my 'so-called companions' more like captors remove my blindfold and the rope that tied my hands but surprisingly they didn't. Instead, they made me wear a leash. I think it was a leash. _Next thing I know they'll probably lead me to their torture chamber. _

"Just so you know, I'm not into S and M playtime. I'm not a masochist, I'm actually a sadist. And I am not enjoying this one bit." I stated deadpan. _I'm not a pervert, I'm just really knowledgeable about these type of things. _

"Someone has to play the M role now don't you think? Sadly, I'm the S, hm." Blondie responded. He sounds like he's enjoying what he's doing right now.

"I have to report this to Pein-sama." Sasori interrupted. "You take care of this girl."

"Got it danna." Blondie said. I imagine him saluting his master.

Sasori's footsteps eventually drifted away and left me and Deidara alone in shit knows where. "What do you plan to do next?"

He didn't reply. He just tugged on my leash and led me somewhere I believe would be my death bed. When we finally arrived at our destination he removed my blindfold _at last_ and untied the rope as well. I thought he was going to start treating me like a part of their organization but I was wrong. How many wrong assumptions did I make today? I already lost count.

We were inside a dark, humid room with shackles and crap. "This is where they probably torture their captives. " I thought to myself.

He put me in chains; he just doesn't get tired of this huh? At least I can finally see. "You know, I'm starting to think that you suck being around with the female gender. Is this how you treat a dudette?"

He stared at me. "Are you suggesting that you're actually a girl? I haven't noticed it."

"Shut the fuck up Blondie. Unfortunately Kami-sama gave me a body most of the ladies would die for."

"See? It's clearly not noticeable that you're actually a girl. You openly say stuff like _that_ to a GUY, hm. don't you feel awkward at all?"

"Why would I? It's just a body." Apparently I don't know how a guy's hormones work. Deidara just sighed and sat on the floor next to the chained me.

"You're an eccentric one, hm. What's your name anyway?" he asked.

"Hijoshikina, Seikatsu."

"Uroshiku."

"Whatever Kinpatsu. Is there a chance that I become one of you? Because if there isn't I'd gladly leave now. I don't want to waste my precious time waiting for something I won't eventually get."

"Why don't you just wait for Sasori-no danna to get here and tell you the news? You're too impatient, hm."

"I was born with this trait live with it."

"Are you really this bitchy? No wonder you're not famous."

"Now what does that supposed to fucking mean? I'm not a bitch, bastard."

"See? You sass all the time, hm."

"Like I said live with it."

He said nothing more. We waited for Sasori in silence. After I assumed 35 minutes Sasori came into the room, removed my chains and dragged me out, Deidara following behind.

"Am I going to meet your boss now, Sasori-san?"

He nodded in response. It wasn't long when we entered yet another room. It was dark, I can't make out anything inside. My eyes roamed around when it finally landed on someone's eyes—it was someone who has awakened his rinnegan. _It's like his eye sockets have flashlights~ _

"So you must be Hijoshikina, Seikatsu, yes?" the dude asked.

"Y-yes. I am her." I gulped before answering.

"As you may know, I lead this organization. I am Pein. And I've heard from Sasori that you want to become a member of the Akatsuki." Pein said, staring into my eyes.

"Y-yes. " I stammered.

"Alright, fine. Deidara, hand her a cloak." His stare shifted to Blondie.

"Wait, so you accept her Pein-sama?" Deidara asked.

"Yes. I sense her evil aura. That's good enough for her to become part of us. Don't worry. If she's a spy or if she tries to betray us I'll just simply eradicate her existence from this world."

"I see," was all Kinpatsu said.

We left the room right after. He handed me the cloak as he raised his visible brow. "Why were you shaking? What happened to your assertive attitude just now?"

"Who wouldn't get scared of P-P-Pein-sama?!" I grabbed the clothing and wore it on top of my ninja attire. "Forget it. I'll get used to his presence eventually. At least I became an Akatsuki member~!"

"Why do you want to join us anyway?"

"That's because…" _shit, think Seikatsu, think! _"It would be easier to get things done when I'm surrounded by a group of formidable S-ranked criminals. I badly need your help."

"Sounds like you're an incompetent fool, hm."

"Shut up bastard, don't underestimate me."

"Oh sure, I won't underestimate Seikatsu. The one who got scared by her boss' appearance, hm."

"Shut the fuck up."

"You can't tell me what to do, hm."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, oh yeah… who's my partner anyway?"


	3. Nervousness isn't a positive feeling

"Who says you have a partner?" Deidara rhetorically asked, his visible eye glaring at me as if I asked a foolish question.

I blinked a few times as I tried to register what he said. It wasn't really a problem if they give me a partner or not. Since I'd only fake my so-called missions as an Akatsuki member, and having a partner means I won't be able to do that besides, I don't really have the position to complain or anything knowing that my "boss" would mercilessly kill me if he wanted to. Then again, it wouldn't be that fun without having an S-ranked criminal protecting my ass not knowing that my ass doesn't really need a human shield. It's not like someone would stab my asshole with a sharp weapon or something, right? Well except if you're Kakashi-sensei who knows this technique called "A Thousand Years of Death".

"So… I don't have a partner?" I asked, like I don't know the answer already.

"No duh. As far as I know, you're a _girl,_ hm." Saying the word "girl" as if it's some poison and that it would kill him if he doesn't spit it out from his mouth sooner or later. "I still don't know why Pein-sama accepted you as part of our organization. First of all, you're not famous. Which would give us doubts if you really are an S-ranked criminal, or even a rouge-nin. Second, he doesn't even know if you ever had a record for the number of heinous crimes you have committed throughout the years of your existence. Third, _you're a girl_. It's unusual for our boss to make a hasty decision, hm."

"All I understand is that I am a girl which is why I don't have the right to be a part of your supposed 'evil' organization'… Is that what you're suggesting?"

"Yes,"

"That's sexism bullshit." I spat out. "And don't casually call me a 'girl' because I am not a girl."

"Ho?" he printed a playful smirk as he pretended to check me out. "If I remember correctly you said you were a female and that Kami-sama gave you a body all of the ladies would die for."

"That, Blondie-san is actually a fact and just because I acknowledge it doesn't mean I'm a girl. Well, biologically speaking, yes. But truth be told I actually see myself as a plant." I nodded, agreeing with my statement. "I am one hell of an awesome asexual being~!"

He just stared at me like I was a psycho. "Are you really like this? How old are you anyway? Are you a fifteen year old? I think your brain is malfunctioning, hm."

"I'm eighteen stupid and it's not my brain that's malfunctioning it's actually yours. I mean really, who the heck would seriously utter a grunt every time he makes a point?" I deadpanned.

"I don't have a speech impediment." He said, it's obvious he's trying to stop himself from uttering a 'hm'.

I stifled a laugh. "Your face looks horrible. Ne, why did you let your hair grow that long?" I ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's none of your business, hm."

"Ah! You uttered a grunt! See? You do have a speech impediment!" I grinned.

A vein appeared on his forehead as he sent deathly glares at me. It was my first time to stare at him closely. It was then that I realized he was actually handsome. The way there weren't any hair that framed his face made him look younger than he really is and it was surprising that he actually pulled off that half ponytail crap. His bangs that cover almost half of his face fits him, to be honest. And hell, don't get me started with the color of his eyes. I really have a thing for people with blue eyes. They look so unrealistic whenever they move 'em. They remind me of my doll's eyes and how they hollowly stare at mine, drawing me in. It's an obsession, really. Staring at some stranger with a creepy expression printed on my face. No wonder my friends find me weird.

"Are you done checking me out?" he grinned.

"I wasn't checking you out. You're delusional if you're actually thinking that I would do such a thing. Especially to a feminine-looking guy!" I said hotly.

"Whoa, chill, chill. If you won't calm down your eyes will seriously turn red." He held his hands up in defeat and chuckled.

"That's why I hate arrogant guys!" I mumbled to myself.

"Whoa,"

I looked at him questioningly. "What?"

"Your eyes did turn red." He neared his face to mine. I backed away and covered my eyes with my hands muttering a number of curses.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" I exclaimed, turning around. It's funny that usually your kekkei genkai protects you from getting killed by some bastards apparently mine would lead me to my death bed.

"Seriously… why?" He asked. I don't even have to look at him to know that he has that curious expression on his face.

"Seriously… why do you care?!"

"Because I'm your senpai, hm."

I grimaced at the thought. "Well fuck~"

"No really, how did they turn red?"

"Genetics. They're hereditary. Go read a Genetics book yourself. Pretty helpful if you ask me." I sarcastically said, still covering my eyes.

"Hey bitch, I'm asking you why it turned red. Go fucking answer my question, hm!"

"Take that back."

"Take what back?"

"Take it back. I may be an eccentric dudette, but I am not a bitch, you shithole! If you won't take it back I won't give you an answer to your stupid question!"

"Fine, I _take it back…_"

I sighed. "It's my clan's kekkei genkai y'see? Well actually my clan's kekkei genkai's flaw. The color of our eyes vary on our emotions. From red to blue, blue to green, you name 'em. I'm really not good with complex colors. It gives us away whenever we try to conceal what we really feel. It's stupid really. I've been bullied before because of that flaw. Although they did try to find a way to fix that. But I never really tried doing it."

"What exactly _is _your kekkei genkai?" he asked, his face full of anticipation.

"Uh…" _can't say we can read minds. _"Our element style is ice. The general element styles ninjas have are earth, water, air and fire right? So yeah. Ours is ice." I answered.

"Oh, I see no connection with your element style and the way the color of your eyes change, hm." Deidara said.

"I see no connection either. Go ask the damn author."

"I think it's best to not break the fourth wall Seikatsu." He smirked. "Anywho, you're coming with us."

"Us? Who's us?" I asked.

"Me and Sasori-no danna. We're going to infiltrate Sunagakure. Kidnap the kazekage—jinchuuriki of the one tail and bring him here." he said.

"Kazekage? You mean… Gaara?" I felt a lump in my throat as I uttered my friend's name. "We're going to kidnap him?"

"Yeah. Then extract the Ichibi out of him. He dies right after." He said 'die' as if it wasn't a big deal. "Why?"

"Just nervous…" I carelessly said.

He furrowed his visible brow as he heard my statement.

"Because he's the kazekage and he's strong and stuff like that." I added, faking a laugh.

"We won't be putting you in the frontlines idiot. Although that would be the best time to prove yourself worthy but that can wait. We can't mess this up, hm. And I don't want to get reprimanded by my upperclassmen because of a little girl's mistake."

"What should I do then? Wait for you guys to weaken our enemies' anal sphincters? You guys get to make them shit their pants while I sit somewhere faraway like I'm watching an action movie inside a theater?" that's not really what's bothering me though. I know that I have to do something to make their infiltration unsuccessful. But this is why I hate myself. I am rendered useless whenever I feel nervous. I'm unable to come up with a strategy knowing that I'm not 100% sure if it will work.

"So they turn blue when you're nervous huh?' Deidara's question stopped me from drowning in my thoughts. I only nod as an answer. "You really don't need to worry. We're sure to win, hm."

Now that made me more uneasy. I tried to wipe my sweaty palms on my sides and clutched the end of my cloak's sleeve. _Get a hold of yourself! Nothing will come out right if you let yourself panic. _I told myself. I closed my eyes and unclutched my sleeve. "Alright~! Can't wait! When are we going to leave?"

"Tonight," he grinned.

**XXX **

Deidara led me to my room and told me to rest before we leave, he left right after.

I stared at the white ceiling as I lay in bed. I didn't realize I was already crying. I hurriedly wiped my tears away and slapped my face hard. "Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you whenever you hear someone might die? You can save them right?! Why do you always assume that you can't?!" I reprimanded myself. I'm scared. I really am. I don't like hearing anyone that they're going to die because it only reminds me of the last memory I had with my parents when they both closed their eyes and never woke up ever again. Call it trauma, phobia or whatever. But I was only a kid when they left me and my siblings here in this dangerous world… and it left a huge hole in my heart. I know that I don't have time to be emotional. I have to think of a plan, I have to think of something.

If I would be with them when they infiltrate I can warn the villagers, especially the kazekage. The only problem is one of them would surely keep an eye on me, and knowing them, I'm certain I can't fool them with a mere clone. I have to think this over. _That's right, no need to panic. _I reminded myself.

I decided to prepare my belongings—kunai knives, shuriken and other things I deemed important. I was adjusting my weapon bag (If that's how you call it) when Blondie burst inside.

"Oy, Time to go." He said.


	4. I should really stop this drama crap

I held my breath as Deidara's clay bird landed on the ground. The infiltration was a success, much to my dismay. I got down from his thing-a-mabob and stared at the quiet village; families sleeping peacefully inside their rooms not aware of what might happen to them if I let these two do what they want. I cracked my knuckles and turned to face Blondie.

"What's next?" I asked.

"I'm going to look for the jinchuuriki, Sasori-no danna on the other hand's going to kick a bunch of Suna-nins' asses." He answered.

"So you guys really are serious about making me a spectator, huh?" I said as I raised an eyebrow. "You guys get to look cool and stuff like that while I pretend to be a fan girl and squeal every time you land a hit on someone's shithole or something like that."

"Well, yeah." Blondie smirked. "We gotta go. Don't do anything stupid, hm."

"Oh, I can't promise you that. I'm naturally a psychotic dudette, who knows what I'm capable of doing."

"If you ever become a hindrance, you have to prepare for the consequences you must face. Deidara, let's go." Sasori coldly stated as he started to leave.

"Jaa ne~ Have fun~" I exclaimed, waving my hand to them. "Bring me their heads when you get back alright?"

I stared at their bodies gradually becoming dots as they walked further away from me. I stayed exactly where I was and crouched. I closed my eyes as I counted the minutes that passed by. A minute had passed, then two. I stood up after three minutes and took deep breaths.

I just hope I get there before he does.

I jumped from roof to roof trying my best to hide myself in the dark. My breathing became ragged. I suddenly felt my whole body shook with fear as I got nearer to where Gaara was. Cold sweat continuously fell down my face as my chest heaved rapidly with my heavy panting. _Calm down Seikatsu, calm down. _

Surprisingly enough, I got inside their headquarters. Seems like I got here first. _What a relief._ I know I looked like a total mess when I asked a suna-nin if I can talk to the Kazekage. Seeing his reaction, I think he has mistaken me for an enemy so I immediately introduced myself. "I'm Hijoshikina, Seikatsu. A kunoichi from Konohagakure. I know I'm wearing this cloak and you must be thinking I'm a member of Akatsuki but it is part of my mission. Spying them and watching their every move is the reason why I am wearing this right now."

The guy nodded as he scratched his chin. "Alright then,"

He led me to a room where I saw Gaara's figure staring outside a window. The suna-nin closed the door behind him and left me with Gaara inside. I smirked. I know he's just waiting outside, prepared to attack me if I ever try to do something.

"Gaara," I called out.

He turned around and his eyes widened with shock. I sighed. _Here we go again. _

"Before you jump to conclusions let me explain. I'm on a mission, and that is to infiltrate the Akatsuki's hideout and pretend to be a rogue ninja for them to accept me as their new member. Y'know, for spying purposes." I stated.

His shoulders relaxed. "What are you doing here Seikatsu-san?"

"I came here to warn you. Two Akatsuki members are here to get you. They said they plan to extract the bijuu out of you. After the extraction you'll die. We can't let that happen now right?" I pursed my lips as I swallowed my saliva. "I want to help you I really do, but I can't. All I can do is warn you. If they see me fighting with you they'll know that I'm just a spy and who knows what they can do to me. What they can do to Konohagakure… I know you understand my situation."

He just remained silent. And for the first time the silence made me uneasy. "Gaara, please take care. I got to go. An Akatsuki member would most likely bust inside your headquarters. Please don't let them kill you." I was about to pat his shoulders when I suddenly withdrew my hand. _He'd probably swat it away anyway. _I turned around and walked towards the door. Just when I was about to leave the room Gaara told me something.

"You take care as well, Seikatsu-san."

I looked at him, smiling sadly and left.

**XXX **

I went back to where Blondie and Mr. Rotten Potato left me. I felt a hint of relief that I successfully talked to my friend. All I can do now is trust him. I lay down on the ground and stared at the stars scattered in the pitch dark of the night admiring its beauty as it shined brilliantly above me. The cold breeze slightly made me feel at peace. I reached my hand up as if I can grasp one of those twinkling stars. "I wish it could last forever…" I whispered. I know I'm just trying to ease the nervousness that I was feeling. I should have followed my brother's advice… _more like order_. I just used this mission as a scapegoat to escape from my duties as a ninja. But I guess I'm still too childish to think that an S-ranked mission could save me from my worries… from my fears. It actually led me to them. Now I know that I will never forgive myself if something happens to Gaara.

It was foolish of me to leave my village, leave my friends and family. I didn't know what was ahead of me as I chose this path.

I bitterly grinned. "I'm rambling inside my head. Am I really that bored?" I muttered to no one in particular. "Wonder what my siblings are doing right now… Aoi probably hates me for leaving without saying goodbye…" I stood up and stretched. _I really don't have time to act like a pessimist. _

I wandered around and stumbled upon a scary-looking figure. I gulped. "W-who's there?!"

Silence.

"I-I… I have a kunai knife!" I exclaimed as I took out my weapon with shaky hands. "S-show yourself! I ain't scared of you!"

"Seikatsu, what are you doing here?" said a familiar voice. _I've heard that voice from somewhere. _

"Uhh… who're you?"

He walked towards me and that's when I realized that it was Sasori. That's why it was familiar. "What are you doing here?"

"Uhmm, I really don't know." Let's face it. I can't act myself when I'm with Sasori. He's just too scary. If I give him a shitty remark he'd probably kill me without hesitation. I may be weird to the point people think I'm demented but I still value my life.

I stared at him and tilted my head a little to the right. He noticed it immediately and glared daggers at me. I blinked a few times before looking away. I can't even look for one single trait that could redeem his ugly appearance. Every part of him looked hideous. I won't be surprised if he's some kind of unknown specie. I don't even know if he has feet. He drags his body whenever he walks, he slouches to top it all off. I think ugly runs in his family. "Uhh, Sasori-san?"

"What?" he irritatingly asked.

"Uhmm, you're a puppeteer, am I right?"

"What of it?"

"I'm just a little curious since I haven't actually seen any of your puppets before."

"You're seeing one right now."

"What? Don't tell me your body is a puppet's body?"

"Yes. I turned myself into a human puppet when I was fifteen." he proudly stated.

I grimaced at the thought. If he turned himself into a human puppet at the age of fifteen shouldn't he look young and well… more human? I guess ugly _does_ run in his family. "I assume you're done with your task huh?"

He nodded. "We just have to wait for Deidara to come back. He is foolish to make me wait, knowing that I hate people making me wait."

My heart raced as he mentioned Deidara. I suddenly remembered Gaara. _What is he doing right now?_ Sasori seems to trust his partner that he will succeed. Not a good sign. I clasped my hands together and waited for his return. Expecting the worst.

It wasn't very long when Blondie came back. He didn't get down from his clay bird. "Sasori-no danna."

"You are late."

"I'm sorry. I had a little hard time kidnapping the jinchuuriki, hm." He pointed at his thing-amabob's tail. "He was too stubborn. Had to make him acknowledge my art forcefully, hm."

I held my breath as I looked at the bird's tail. There he was, lifelessly lying down. My mouth went agape as I tried to slow my rapidly beating heart. I felt goose bumps all over my body. "Y-you… made him… go boom boom."

"Yeah I did." Deidara smugly said. "Hop on, we don't have much time, hm."

**XXX**

We flew in silence. I stared at the surroundings blankly as my thoughts slowly killed me with guilt. I let him kill the kazekage, _he _killed him. I didn't know he would lose to someone like Deidara. The Akatsuki members are truly on a different level. If Gaara ended up looking like a beaten puppy that would mean the people I'm with are scary as shit with their monstrous strengths. I better be careful. _Still thinking of yourself, have you no shame?! _I exclaimed inside my head. It's true that I am selfish, in many ways actually.

"Seikatsu," Deidara called out as he waved a hand in front of my face. "Oy, you still alive?"

I only nod.

"You're spacing out, hm. Are you alright?" he asked.

"Y-yeah. Don't worry about me." I monotonously answered.

He stared at me for a moment before diverting his attention to who knows where or what. I closed my eyes as I felt my anger boil inside me. How can I face Tsunade-sama, my brother and the others knowing that I can't save one friend? I'm not trying to act like Naruto or something like that. But that's the truth. Saying that I am already capable of doing what I must be doing, that's bullshit. I want to cry hoping that it can wash away some of the guilt that's consuming me. But I can't. It's as if there's something that is preventing my tears to fall. I sighed.

"Oy, Sasori-no danna, what did you do to Seikatsu? She's not acting bitchy at all, hm." I heard Deidara say.

I just ignored him.

I know that going back to Konohagakure would prove that I am weak, incapable of doing certain things. I can't let these people intimidate me any longer. I should probably drink a lot of milk to strengthen my wet cardboard like back bone. I'm starting to sound whiny with all this drama.

"Seikatsu, stop staring at me with that blank look." Deidara said.

I just glared at him and looked away.

**XXX **

"A Suna-nin came to kick our asses, I daresay." I whispered to Deidara. I looked at Kankuro and his eyes filled with anger, desperation… a mixture of both. Wearing a straw hat to disguise yourself has an advantage too. If you don't want your comrade's brother to kill you, for example.

Kankuro took out one of his puppets and showed it to Sasori challenging him to a fight. _He's not thinking rationally. _

"Ah, my old puppets, how nice to see them again." Sasori said.

"Y-you're Sasori of the Red Sand?!" Kankuro exclaimed. _It's funny he didn't know he's Sasori. _

"Duh, and it's stupid of you to challenge him to a battle." I muttered.

"Deidara, you two go on ahead. I want to play with my old puppets for a while." Sasori said.

"Don't be late, hm." Deidara grabbed my wrist and dragged me to his clay bird. He brought me somewhere with trees, bushes and shit like that. _A forest huh? _

"Seikatsu," he began. "What do you think of art?"

I stared at him. I furrowed my brows as I thought about it. "Uhm, I don't know. Art is a form of self-expression."

"Art is an explosion, hm." He boldly stated.

"If that's how you see it then I guess it could be considered as art." I dully answered. "Make your clay thing explode."

He fed his hand's mouth some clay and it molded a butterfly. He let it flew. He grinned as he exclaimed, "KATSU!" and the butterfly instantly exploded. I sighed. This is stupid. Acting like this towards the guy who killed Gaara is loathsome. Pretending like nothing happened… I really am a despicable person.

"It's funny you call my name whenever you make something explode." I tried to grin but failed.

"I didn't call your name, hm."

I was about to make a remark when Deidara told me to get going.

**A/N: Hey guys~! What's up?! The blue sky of course~! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter~ Reviews are deeply appreciated. ^_^  
PS: Please do bear with Seikatsu's drama crap. She'll loosen up eventually. :P I just want to make her more human compared to my first version of her. **


	5. Loosening up

"Sasori-san," I called out. "What took you so long?"

"You're late danna." Deidara grinned.

I stared blankly at Sasori. These two sure are loathsome. The blonde guy killed the little brother while the rotten potato killed the elder one. I bitterly smiled. They're criminals, killing people is like their cup of tea.

"Getting to know what it feels like to play with my old puppets, it is worth it. I don't mind if I made you two wait." Sasori said. "It made me realize a lot of things… that they're nothing compared to my puppets now."

I looked at him with disgust. He's a jerk. I'm a sadist, yes. But I know my limitations, I don't just randomly disembowel someone's body parts just for fun. I like hearing the painful screams they emit but it doesn't give the same feeling when I know it came from someone I care about, or someone innocent. I rolled my eyes. I won't receive a reward for comparing myself to someone like him. "Sadistic," I told him sickeningly.

"Yes, I did beat him up sadistically." He said.

Deidara looked at me and raised his visible brow. "Why are you mad?"

_Curse my eyes. _"Because I didn't get to do it myself. I would gladly do the honor of eviscerating someone's body parts." I sneered. I need to calm down. Every second strengthens my urge to kill the both of them.

"They're a vibrant red, hm. Are you really that keen on killing someone right now?" he asked. "You must be feeling useless because we didn't let you kick someone's ass huh?"

"Yes, if you'd volunteer as my subject I'd slaughter you right here, right now." I said. _He's not helping me calm down. _

"What's wrong with you? I know you're aloof but you're acting more distant than before, hm." Blondie stared at me with concern in his eyes. If we were in a different situation I'd feel quite happy to know he's capable of getting worried at someone's wellbeing—since he's a criminal, it feels surreal to know he's more softhearted compared to his partner. But apparently we weren't. It doesn't change the fact that he killed Gaara.

"None of your business." I muttered.

"It feels nice to know that someone acknowledges my art. I should give it to that guy who boldly challenged me." Sasori said.

"If it's about your 'art is eternal beauty' crap, danna, like I've always told you. That is not art, hm." Deidara said. "You should have made him explode. At least then he turns into art himself."

"What a piece of rubbish." Sasori glared at his partner. "Fine art is something wonderful that's left long into the future… eternal beauty."

"Art is an explosion, hm." Deidara calmly stated.

Their art conversation is pissing me off. If that's how art means to you, I can't find a reason why they have to force each other to acknowledge their point of view. _They sure know how to irritate me. _"If this conversation will just lead to a petty argument, I suggest the both of you stop now."

They clicked their tongues in irritation and shut their mouths.

"Let's go." Deidara said as he climbed on top of his bird. He motioned for us to hop onto it as well. "We can't let them wait that long, hm."

I followed without any complaints. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to our hideout and perform an extraction, hm." He answered.

I blinked a few times before my mind registered what he just said, then suddenly I felt that familiar lump in my throat again, although this time it was a lot harder to swallow it. I clutched the hem of my left sleeve as I tried to stop my hands from shaking. "Oh really now? W-what about the ninjas? It won't take long for them to find our current hideout."

"Even if they do find our hideout they'll be too late." Sasori stated. I don't know if he was glaring at me or what since I haven't really seen his face relax. I avoided eye contact with him and brought my attention back to Deidara.

"Is it possible to not join the extraction?" I asked. "I-I mean it's my first time to do something like that and I always get nervous when something like that happens and it actually gets out of hand every time."

"It won't be that hard, hm." Deidara looked at me for a moment before shifting his stare back at the surroundings. "You just have to infuse your chakra through a certain hand sign and you'll be fine. It's easy since there's ten of us who's going to perform the extraction."

"A-ah! B-but I seriously suck!" I tried to reason out. "If something unexpected happens you can't hold me responsible for it since I warned you beforehand." _Why can't you just let me stay out of your organization's shit? Can't you all see that I don't want to kill Gaara? I'm looking for the subtlest way of saving him and you're not cooperating. _I rolled my eyes. Like they would allow me to do something stupid as that. If I continue this crappy shit of mine they'll see right through me. I have to compose myself. I may feel like bursting into tears right now but I have to hold it in. "On second thought, yeah sure why not."

"You have problems y'know?" Deidara shook his head imperceptibly.

I just gave him a dull smile. He can't blame me. Who would seriously want to "permanently" kill their friend? Add the fact that he's actually the kazekage and we all know he has the looks which makes him popular with the ladies. We may not be that close compared to my friends back in the village but we still had some good times together. I guess I wasn't really cut out for this kind of mission. If it were a different ninja how would he handle this problem? I wouldn't know. But I bet he wouldn't let his emotions get the best of him unlike me.

I sighed. Thinking of him wouldn't help me think rationally. Whenever I mention Gaara I go to a monologue state… It's starting to make me feel awkward.

**XXX:**

* * *

My mouth went agape upon seeing the large statue of the Gedou Mazou right in front of me. I saw holograms of the other Akatsuki members located on top of its fingertips. I looked at Deidara questioningly as he started to go to his designated place. "Deidara! Where am I supposed to stand on?!" I angrily whispered as I instinctively grabbed his sleeve. I tried to look for my spot as my sight landed on _his _supposed position. There is no way in hell am I going to stand on a homosexual's shit.

"Look for the obvious, hm." He rolled his visible blue eye. He jerked my hand away as he approached the others.

"There's no way in hell am I going to use Orochimafag's shit." I crossed my arms as I furrowed my brows. I might get contaminated by his homosexuality. And who knows maybe after 20 chapters from now you'll get to see me disgustingly utter Sasuke's name with a tone of desire repeatedly as I try to seduce him to give me his body. I shudder at the thought.

"Like you can do something about it. Just stop complaining. For a minute it felt as if you were sulking over something and now you're hyped up about someone's crap. Get your shit together Seikatsu, hm." Deidara scowled.

"Is it clean from his germs?" I asked.

He stared unbelievingly at me as he wearily said, "Yes."

"That's good enough to hear." I teleported to where I was supposed to go. Eyes landed on me with curiosity. One guy that looks like he's in his late twenties spoke up as he gave me lewd stares.

"Ne, ne Deidara-_chan, _who's this delicious kitty cat I see?" He grinned. Which sent apparent shivers down my spine. Why do I have to be separated from Blondie? Heck, I'd choose Sasori's presence over this perverted bastard without any hesitation.

"Are you blind? What are you an eighty-seven year old geezer? You can't even tell if it's a cat or a human you're looking at? What, you just joined the Akatsuki just so it could redeem you're lame appearance and make you look cool? Don't fucking screw with me. Whether you join a badass organization or not it won't change the fact that you're old, bastard." I rolled my eyes. Trying to look undisturbed is the best thing I could do. If I show this twisted geezer that I cower in fear as he speaks I'd forcefully get laid tonight.

"Let's start the extraction." Pein stated, brushing us off.

My eyes widened as they followed their leader's command. I stood there, frozen in place as I felt my rapidly beating heart. My hands shook as I tried to make a seal of confrontation.

I can't look at Gaara…

…and I can't help them kill him.

I looked at my right side then at my left. Everyone was working except me. I saw from my peripheral vision that Deidara was eyeing me. I glanced at him as I mouthed an "I can't," and he sighed. I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from crying. Why do I have to be so human? These emotions suck. I hate feeling helpless, I hate these tears that want to flow down every time something tries to hurt me… and I hate being a melodramatic human.

I blinked the tears away as they finished the extraction. Gaara fell down on the ground and everyone printed a satisfied expression on their faces. _Heartless bastards. _

The members who weren't physically there chatted for a moment before leaving. I got down from the Gedou's hand and approached his… dead body. "I'm sorry." I muttered.

"Seikatsu," Deidara called out. "What the hell was wrong with you?"

I stood up. "I told you I get nervous whenever I do something for the first time. And you didn't listen."

"It was a simple task, hm." He sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do now."

Yeah, there's nothing that _I _can do now. He's officially dead and there's no way that could make him come back to life. I feel so exhausted. These past two days with the Akatsuki made it feel like I'm with them for a week already. I'm starting to doubt that this mission would be a success.

"What are we still doing here?" I monotonously asked. "I don't wanna stay here anymore. This place is surrounded by a deathly aura it's making me sick."

"We're going to give you a task." Sasori said. "In order to make up for your uselessness a while ago… You would stall the ninjas outside our hideout."

"Ninjas?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Suna-nins?"

"They're from the leaf, hm." Deidara stated. He got down from the statue and sat on Gaara's body. "Now you can finally kick someone's ass."

I glared at him. "You already disrespected him when he was still alive. At least have some respect to the dead." _He's pitiless. _

"What? It's not like he's going to haunt me in my sleep." He slapped Gaara's face as he smirked.

I scowled at him. _Seikatsu, chill, chill. _I need to control my temper. There will be a time where I get to avenge his death. I just need to stay calm.

* * *

**XXX:**

I got out from the hideout and saw Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei's teams. They all stared at me with disbelief as their bodies shook with anger. I cleared my throat as I raised a hand at them. "Sup?"

Naruto was first to lunge at me. He threw punches at my face which I quickly dodged. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO GAARA?! YOU TRAITOR!" He grabbed my collar as he shook me back and forth. I saw the wrath in his eyes as he looked at mine. The pink-haired kunoichi… I assumed was Sa… Sa… Sakuna tried to stop Naruto from attacking me.

"Let go of me!" Naruto screamed. He took out his kunai knife, desperately trying to stab me. Luckily he only managed to graze my left cheek.

He weaved certain hand signs for his shadow clone justu and was about to throw a rasengan at me when Kakashi-sensei spoke. "Stop it Naruto."

He got back to his senses and glowered at me.

"Uhm… I guess you're done throwing tantrums… I can explain now right?" I touched my cheek and felt the wet liquid stain my fingertips. I wiped the blood off as I crossed my arms. "That hurt you know. Any who, yeah what you all are thinking is correct, no doubt about it. I somehow helped them kill Gaara." My chest tightened as I continued, "I was useless. I got scared of what might happen if I _did _try to save him… I was left with no choice…"

"No choice?!" Sakuna exclaimed. "You _had _a choice to remain faithful to our village! But you decided to join the Akatsuki! What did Tsunade-sama ever do to you for you to betray her?!"

"This is an S-ranked mission given by her." I coldly stated. "I was sent here to watch their every move and prevent them from doing any shit that could harm our village and our village's allies."

"You're not doing a very good job." Neji said.

"Yeah, you're right." I avoided their stares. It felt as if they're trying to kill me with their deadly looks. "If I did try to save him that would mean I'm leading the whole village to its death bed. I had to make a choice and choosing one would mean losing him or Konohagakure. And I decided that it would be best if I saved my home. So, I sacrificed his life… I understand if you guys start to resent me for what I've done… because I hate myself as well."

They all remained silent as to believe me or not. "Look, I know a mere apology won't change the fact that I let them kill Gaara… but I still want to say sorry." I bowed. "So… I apologize for my incompetence."

I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder, I turned around and saw Tenten and the others smile at me sympathetically. Lee sniffed as he wiped the snot that ran down his nose. He spun a three hundred and sixty degree turn and grabbed both of my hands. _You do realize you used that to wipe your snot right? _

"WHAT A WAY TO SPEND THE REMAINING YEARS OF YOUR FIERY YOUTH HIJOSHIKINA-SAN!" he exaggeratedly exclaimed as he tightened his grip. "YOU SERVE AS A ROLE MODEL TO YOUR YOUNGER COMRADES!"

I tried to smile but failed. "Uhh… yeah sure I get it. Can you please let go of my hand before I smack your face hard?" he understood what I meant and he did what he was told. I was about to say something when I had this gut feeling that someone's going to check on me. I frowned. _Just when I was reunited with my friends… they just have to ruin the mood. _

I started to run away from them and they all called out to me. "I'm sorry! I can't stay any longer! You guys take care of yourselves! I hope you understand what I'm doing! Sakuna! Don't let your teammate do anything irrational alright?! If you still value your lives don't follow me!" I shouted through quick breaths.

"MY NAME IS NOT 'SAKUNA' IT'S SAKURA DAMMIT!" I heard Sakuna— I mean, Sakura exclaim. I looked back and printed a goofy grin at her, _if she still sees my facial expression, that is. _"Got confused, like always. 'Sakura' and 'Sakuna' sounds similar anyway. Sorry~!" I turned around and continued to run.

"Take care… " I whispered. I closed my eyes as their images flashed inside my mind. I took a deep breath as I left.

**XXX:**

* * *

I decided to head back to our hideout after some time. _I hope nobody got hurt. _I got to the forest and heard someone approaching. I quickly hid behind a tree and saw Kakashi-sensei and the others jumping from branch to branch with Gaara's body. I smiled. _Thank God. _I decided to not show myself to them… I feel humiliated for what I've done. They don't need to see the kunoichi who wasn't able to save the kazekage.

It wasn't a very long walk. After a minute or so I was already in front of our _once _hideout, a pile of rubble now. I wonder what happened while I was gone wandering around? I found a way inside and saw Deidara looking for something. I rushed to him and poked his side. "What happened here?"

He stared at me blankly. "I finally understand why you're not a famous criminal, hm."

"Huh? What?" I scrunched my nose. "What do you mean?"

"You don't pose as a threat to the ninjas. Which is why all this time you were ignored." He said as if he was saddened by my supposed weak self. _Is he actually underestimating me?!_

"And what do you mean by that?!" I crossed my arms as I glared at him. What a jerk.

"You were tasked to stall the ninjas of the Leaf. We gave you that task since we thought you were itching to kill someone then we found out that you escaped, hm." He shook his head disappointedly.

"Wha—Are you saying that I'm a coward?!" I exclaimed, he nodded in response. This bastard's really going to get it. "Dude, I did want to kick their asses, but come on. It's common knowledge to retreat since I'd be battling with seven people. Seriously, seven against one? That's just downright unfair. I like hurting bastards and bitches but I don't like getting hurt."

"Hurt? You only managed to have a grazed cheek, hm." He looked at me incredulously. "Look what happened to me!"

I titled my head. Something does feel off about him today. I rubbed my chin with my hand as if contemplating on something while examining his body. I poked his arm and realized there wasn't any arm attached to him. He tensed up as he barked at me. "D-don't touch my sleeves, hm!"

I raised his two sleeves up in the air as I tried my best not to laugh. "You're beaten up pretty badly." A squeak managed to come out and Deidara glared at me.

"You feel like laughing, do you?" He started to say. "Just laugh already dammit! And let go of my sleeves, hm."

I did let go as I stifled a laugh. I can't hold it in anymore. "You seriously suck!"

"That's better." He said. "If you feel like laughing then laugh. Nobody's going to stop you, hm. You're too uptight. Just loosen up, at least a little."

Now how can he expect me to loosen up knowing that I have to be with criminals for who knows how long? I can't even put up with their craps anymore, and I've only been with them for two-three days! "Alright then. A little." I guess it's best to earn their trusts and by doing that I have to make them feel like I'm one of them. If I were to continue this aloof personality of mine they'd sense something's wrong with me. And we all know I can't allow that to happen. "But yeah. Serves you right for killing Gaara."

"What's wrong with you and that jinchuuriki? Ever since I killed him you've been distancing yourself from me more, hm." He complained.

I rolled my eyes. "Because he's hot and he died. He's like the epitome of hotness and you just had to end his life."

"W-wait wait? Are you saying that you were crushing on someone _two freaking years younger _than you_?_" He looked at me hard hoping what he said was wrong.

"So what if I _am _crushing on someone younger than me?" I said, frowning at him.

"That's pedophilic, hm."

"In what way is that pedophilic?"

"You're eighteen, he's sixteen. Get it?"

"Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't had a crush on someone younger than you!"

"I did. But it's fine since I'm basically a _guy._"

"See?! What makes me different?!"

"Because you're not a guy, hm."

He's unbelievable. Seriously, this guy who has blond hair is a sexist. What's up with the unfair treatment he's been giving me? Just because I'm technically a female doesn't mean everything I do and like is disturbing. Feeding me with bullshit eh? "You can't understand since you're blind. You can't even tell who's hot and who's not."

He smirked. "_You're blind. _You seriously find him hot? He was the _epitome of hotness?_ The epitome of hotness is standing right in front of you, hm."

I stifled a laugh. "You?! How did a feminine-looking guy become the epitome of hotness? You seriously have bad eyesight for not finding Gaara hot."

"I don't find him hot because I'm not gay, hm." _T-touché. _

"Let's not talk about it anymore." I roamed around as my eyes landed on someone's dead body. "Who's this? Oh yeah, where's Sasori-san anyway?"

"That's him." He said.

I blinked a few times. I got near the body and crouched down as I looked at the guy's young, handsome face. I brushed his red hair away from his closed eyes and I felt heat instantly rush to my cheeks. "You're kidding…"

"That's seriously him. That's his true form. A girl with pink hair killed my danna, hm." He said, without a hint of bitterness in his tone. _He's good with hiding shit. _

I slowly stood up. Heavy breaths I grabbed both of Deidara's shoulders and head-butted him. "WHY IS HE SO HOT?! DAMN, HE HAS DAMN RED HAIR DEIDARA! DAMN RED HAIR! HE'S SO DAMN HANDSOME! WHY DID HE NOT REVEAL HIS TRUE FORM WHEN HE WAS STILL ALIVE?! OH SHIT, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

"O-ow…" he winced in pain. If he still had his arms he would have flicked my forehead by now. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! And what do you mean by 'what have I done'?"

"I feel guilty because I once called him ugly… and that he looks like a rotten potato in my mind." I gritted my teeth. "Why the fuck does he have to die?"

Deidara's mouth gaped open as he said, "You know you don't like being called a girl but it's obvious you're girly, hm."

"Shut up bastard, I'm having my moment here."

**XXX:**

* * *

We left the hideout with Sasori's body still there. Blondie said his danna would have liked it better to leave him since he doesn't want to be pitied by others. I easily complied. I don't want to see his true form anyway it just reminds me of the fact that he's handsome and I called him ugly. We went to the forest since that was the place Deidara was last located when he lost his _other _arm. It was funny that I haven't noticed his arm got ripped apart when he battled with Gaara. Guess I was just that focused on my friend.

We found his "dead" arm lying on the ground. He was about to take it when we heard voices. I grabbed him by the hair and dragged him behind the bushes.

"You really do have problems, hm!" He angrily whispered. "Usually, a _normal _person would have grabbed my shoulder to drag me to who knows where, not my hair!"

"It was easier." I shrugged.

"I—"

I placed a finger on his lips to silence him.

"No way! It looks like they got Deidara-san too!" A guy exclaimed with an over exaggerated joyous tone. Is this his first time to see a dead arm? "It's decided. He definitely died in an explosion, right Zetsu-san?" I snorted. Blondie eyed me and I shut up.

"I bet it happened somewhere around here." He laughed.

I looked at Deidara prepared to kill the daylights out of the dude. As expected, he got out of the bushes and approached the nigga who constantly insulted him. I took a peek and saw a guy with a basketball-like mask worn on his face.

"Let go of my hand you little shit, hm." Blondie stated rather annoyed. I saw a vein appear on his forehead as he tried to control his temper.

"Oh, you're alive!" Basketball head shouted with glee. _I just have to prevent myself from laughing. _

Deidara just looked at him with his eyebrows frowning. _Must not laugh. _

"What happened to the jinchuuriki?" an Akatsuki member asked, he looked like a venus fly trap with those green like horn things that are somehow framing his half white half black face. _What the fuck is up with this dude's appearance? _

"I already finished my mission, hm." Deidara answered.

"My, my, my! You really cut it close, huh Deidara-san?" Basketball head asked, I don't know if he intended to annoy Blondie or he's just really a mentally retarded bastard. I can't really tell. "But you're okay? NOT!"

_Ooh, apply to burnt area. _

"Tobi hit him three times and even Buddha will get mad." Blondie said through gritted teeth. "I dare you to say something else. I'll decide how you die, hm!" I know I should do something to stop the brewing tension right now but come on, it's not often you get to see a comedy gold conversation between a feminine-looking guy and a mentally retarded dude.

"What's to decide? You'd just blow me up." To-Toni shrugged.

_Shots fired. _

"There's the third time." Venus Fly Trap-san said.

"Suffocation, hm!" Deidara held Toni down as he strangled him with both of his legs.

I got out of the bushes as I clapped my hands. "That was a very entertaining show. You should both do that again."

Deidara stared at me and let go of the poor ol' Toni. He cleared his throat. "You should have let me kill him Seikatsu. I only had one chance, hm."

"Should I apologize or something?" I smirked. "But I have to hand it to you Toni. You're good at annoying him. You have a bright future ahead of you. "

"He's Tobi, idiot." Deidara said. _Well, I was sure his name was Toni. _"That's Zetsu, by the way."

"Okay," I took a quick glance at Plant-san before focusing my full attention on Tobi. "You're funny. Just don't try to annoy me because you'll regret it eventually." I devilishly grinned at his shaky self and patted him on the head. "I don't bite don't worry. I _chop._"

I heard Tobi gulped in fear.

"We should head back, hm." Deidara stated.

"Our other hideout huh?" I asked.

"Yeah."

**XXX: **

**A/N: Hey guys~! Sorry for the late update~! Had a hard time finishing this chapter because of all the school work I had to do. Any who~ I hope you guys enjoyed zis chapter~! **

**By the way, Sakuna means fish! ^_^yeah, I just had to. xD  
**

**Well, that's it for now~**

**JAA NE~!**

**PS out.**


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